


I'm Not Weird (I'm Just Different)

by 24HoursADay



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: But you can decide that, Carl also Carla, Carl is gender fluid, Gender Fluid Character, He hides it from the people in Alexandria, Hurt Carl Grimes, Hurt/Comfort, Maybe a bit of a philosophical feel to it, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2020-12-13 20:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21003791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/24HoursADay/pseuds/24HoursADay
Summary: People think Carl is weird. But really, in truth, he is the same as every single person on the planet. How? Just by being different.[This is about how Carl lived with being different. Everyone has to live with that, but sometimes Carl struggles. Once again, like most people. But be prepared. Things may go a much different way…]





	1. Let's Begin…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl begins telling his story…

Today, my name is Carl. You might or might not know me, but most people don't, so no big deal. 

What I ask of you, though, is to be mindful. Listen to what I have to say. At least try to understand. Don't be one of those people who just looks at me in disgust and walks away. Be kind. 

Okay. Let's all take a deep breath before I begin. Go on. Don't be shy. 

You good now? You think you're ready? If not, please leave and come back when you are. 

Ah, you stayed. Fantastic! Let's begin. 

I'm gonna start by telling you what I am. That okay with you? I hope so. 

I am male. That is what I am. I have male parts. Strange to say in my opinion, but it's true. I am most definitely male, no doubt about it. 

Now you know what I am. But let me tell you _who_ I am. Yes, this is different than what I am. Some of you might be confused, but others understand. I'm gonna help you out. 

Everyone is different. You have to know that. But sometimes, even when they know we are all different, people still tend to hate us for who we are. 

Sure, sure. People (including me) hate and dislike people who murder or do any of that stuff, like just being an asshole. But as most people hate that (and you can't blame us) there are other people out there who don't just hate those kinds of people, but other people who really don't deserve that kind of hate. 

_Now, who would do that?_ you might ask. Plenty of people, as I'm sorry to admit. People who frown upon others who are different. Who are just plain weird. Hell, maybe you can admit you've done that before! 

Problem with hating people who are different, is that, well, everyone is different. I have already said that but just in case, I should say it again. Everyone is different. 

My point is, you can't hate _everyone_. No way! Sure, like me you can just hate people in general, but you can't hate all people personally. In order to do that, you would have to know every single person alive and really, I don't see that happening any time soon. Or, like, _ever_. Sorry, but it's just not possible. 

Am I boring you? Sorry if I am. I have to admit, I'm getting a little carried away. Let me fix that. 

Where was I? Oh, yes. Who I am. 

You know what I am, so this is who I am. 

I am…ME! Everyone say "hello me"!

If you're starting to think, _Seriously?! All that just to tell me you're you?!_ (whoa, dude, calm down!) you need to understand that you have to be patient.

You will soon start to realize what I mean once you start to listen (or read in this case) to my story so far. It will be a bit, so just sit back and relax. 

Can you be patient for me? Will you really, truly listen? Kinda the point of this story is to be patient and have respect, or at least understand. You can do that, right? 'Cause if you do, all I have been saying so far (including when I got carried away) will make much more sense. So just listen, and stay calm. 

You're probably wondering why I told you to stay calm, but you'll see. 

Take another deep breath, and let's begin…

_The story starts with me, my dad, and a small bunch of other people just before the gates of Alexandria for the first time…_

"Whoa…" I heard Glenn say. "Could this be real?" 

"It might not be as real as we think," my dad, Rick, warned. 

"Or even safe," Michonne added. 

I was just confused and in awe. This place looked amazing. But we still had to be cautious. Anything could happen. 

The gates opened and we drove inside. After the cars and the RV stopped, we all piled out. 

"Welcome to Alexandria," Aaron announced. He was the guy who found us and brought us here. I didn't trust him. 

"This looks amazing," Dad whispered. Not that quietly, but quiet enough that only I, who was right next to him, could hear.

Looking around myself, I saw a bunch of things I wasn't used to. Those things included a whole lot of houses, a whole lot of people, a small group of kids playing soccer just a few yards ahead, people talking like nothing is wrong with the world (they were laughing, too!), and even some people kissing. It was very strange.

I jumped a bit when the soccer ball the kids were playing with suddenly bounced at my feet. 

"C'mon, man! Kick it over!" one of the kids called to me. I stared at the ball for a moment then decided, _why not_ and kicked it full force towards them. 

Unfortunately, when I kicked it, the ball went flying towards one of the kids. 

Fortunately, it ended up hitting the kid's gut instead of his face or something even worse. If you know what I mean. 

"Wow." The kid grunted, holding his stomach. "You have a mean kick." 

The rest of the kids laughed like crazy but I was still shocked. It did not think I was that strong. 

"Nice one, Carla," Dad said to me. 

"Shhh!" I shushed him. "Not here! And my name is Carl." 

"Sorry," he whispered and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Hello." 

We all turned around and saw an older woman suddenly standing there, smiling at us. 

"Hello," she said again. "My name is Deanna. I would like to ask you all a favor." 

_Which is…?_ I thought. At that time, I was very impatient. 

"I would like to take you all one-on-one with me to my house so I can ask you all questions about you." 

"Why?" Dad asked, giving Deanna a suspicious look. 

"I want to give you all a place here in Alexandria. Something you can do to help around here," she answered. 

Dad thought about it then nodded. "Okay," he said. "But I'm going first." 

"It's a deal, then." Deanna smiled and motioned for him to follow her. "Aaron, show everyone else to their new houses and show then around a bit. I'll catch up with you guys when I'm ready to get someone else." 

"Yes, ma'am," Aaron said, then turned to the rest of us. "Follow me, please." 

I followed everyone else and watched as Dad slowly disappeared with that woman. Immediately I was worried. What if something went wrong? 

"See those houses right up ahead?" Aaron said after about two minutes. "Those are the houses you guys will share." 

I looked to where he was pointing and saw about five houses that were all for us. It was unbelievable. Five houses? Five actual, full houses? For us?! I was once again shocked. 

"Deanna will be here to switch with someone else in just a little bit. Until then, you may get settled," Aaron told us. "If you need me, I'll be in that white house just over there." He pointed in the direction behind us. "Have fun." He then walked away, leaving us to ourselves. 

"That went well," Abraham said sarcastically. "Now what?"

"I think we should just look around these houses, see what we can find," Tara suggested. 

"I think so too," Michonne agreed. "But we should stick together, just in case." Everyone nodded in agreement and we all went towards the house nearest us, which was light blue. 

"Carl, you're up next," Michonne called to me. Damn, I wanted to be last, but third-to-last was fine, I guess. 

I walked towards her, not at all looking forward to talking with Deanna. Michonne, seeing my expression, tried to comfort me. 

"It's not as bad as you might think," she told me. "Just answer truthfully and things will go fine." 

"Whatever," I said and Michonne showed me the way to Deanna's house. 

I walked in and noticed how _clean_ the place was. I mean, the houses we just looked at were plenty clean, but this was just…wow. 

"Come on in and get comfortable," I heard Deanna say as I walked into the living room. The first thing I notice as I sat down was a camera. I didn't look like it was on, but something told me it will be soon. 

"I'm just gonna ask some questions and I want you to answer truthfully because if you don't, I might get the wrong message. So please participate."

I just stared at her, wanting her to get on with it. 

"I'm gonna record you, if you're fine with that." She grabbed the camera and turned it on. 

"No, I'm not fine with it," I mumbled, crossing my arms. 

"What did you say?" Deanna asked. I think she was genuinely curious, but it still annoyed me, making me think she was forcing me to be on camera. Which I hated so much, even before the dead walked the Earth. 

"Nothing," I answered, then she turned on the camera and aimed it on me. 

"First question," she started. "What is your name?" 

_For today?_ I thought, but then remembered that she had no idea who I really was. 

"Carl," I said. She gave me a "go on" motion and I rolled my eyes. "Grimes. Carl Grimes." 

"Rick's son, I presume." 

I nodded. 

"How old are you, do you know?" 

"Fourteen maybe. I'm not sure." I started to look around, getting bored of this already. When will this end? 

"Good. Did you have a mother?" she asked. Wow, that was a personal question. And anyway, I bet she already knows the answer.

That of which, gave me an amazing and awesome idea. Well, amazing and awesome in my opinion and point of view. I can sum up my idea in one word: lying. 

"No," I lied, then waited for her reaction, which I didn't have to wait long to be satisfied. Well, almost satisfied as I wasn't done yet. 

"Um…" Deanna blinked fast in shock. I had to keep my face blank in order not to laugh. It wasn't that hard though. I had learned how to hide my feelings and show off different ones quite well. 

"So it was just you and your father?" Deanna questioned, confusion written all over her face.

"Yeah. I was adopted." I made a look of confusion on my face, matching hers. "Did he not tell you that?" 

"Well…no." Deanna hesitated for a moment. "And I don't know who to believe." 

That was another fun part about this. And I still wasn't done. 

"Do you have any other questions?" I asked sweetly. She nodded. 

"Yes, I do. Here's one, in fact: Do you have, or had, any other siblings? I know about Judith, but did you have any others?" 

I nodded again. "You know Michonne, right?" 

"Yes, I just talked to her as you know. What about her?" 

"Well," I started, "she is my older sister. From a different father, of course." Boy, this was fun! 

"Huh." Deanna thought for a moment. "Weird. She nor your father told me that." 

I made myself roll my eyes and sigh in fake annoyance. 

"Really?" I asked. "As always, they are trying to protect me. They always go too far. I hate it." 

"But, the thing is, you said you were adopted. Can you explain more?" 

_Damn it!_ I thought. _I have to think fast!_

"Well…" I quickly thought of an excuse. "You see, I was adopted, and so was Michonne. Both by our dad." I made sure to add the "our". "But we have the same _biological_ mother. But I usually don't count her as the title of 'Mom'." 

"Ah, that makes a lot more sense," Deanna said, nodding her head slowly. 

Score! I did a victory dance in my head, but I still had to see who she believed. This was super exciting! 

"Who do you believe, though?" I ask her innocently. She smiled at me. 

"You, Carl." Then, she winked at me. I smiled back at her. I guess I had the total right to say: **I WON!**


	2. When You Lie, There Will Always Be Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Carl keeps telling his story, he sums up the reason why lying could be a very bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the next chapter! (This one.)

_It was later, after the one-on-one with Deanna, when my lies came crashing down on me…._

I walked back to my group after I had met up with Ron and his friends. Well, one of his friends was his girlfriend, apparently, but who cares?

Unfortunately, when I opened the door to the house half of us were living for now (we still wanted to mostly stay together) I could tell something was wrong when I saw my Dad, Michonne, and Deanna in the living room looking serious.

When they saw me, they motioned me over. I walked towards them and sat down on the couch next to Deanna. I scooted as far as I could away from her and turned myself so I could see all three of them.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked.

"They're out, touring Alexandria," Dad answered. 

"Carl, we have to talk," Michonne said. "Apparently, you have been telling Deanna some lies. May you please tell us about that?" 

"You already know. What else is there to talk about?" I could feel a bit of guilt ease its way up, but I pushed it down, thinking that things will be fine and over soon enough. 

"First of all," Dad started, "you told her-Deanna-that you were adopted. At least, that's what I heard."

I nodded, waiting for him to continue. 

"Also," Michonne added, "you said that I was your sister." 

"You would make a great sister, I'll tell you that much," I said. I really meant it, too. If she was my sister, I wouldn't be disappointed. 

Dad sighed, then cleared his throat. 

"You can't lie like that, Carl," he said. "Not at a time like this. If you want to earn trust, you have to stop." 

"What if I don't want to earn trust from these people? What if I don't want to live here? Then what?" I snapped back. 

"Please don't raise your voice, Carl," Michonne told me. 

When I turned to look at Deanna, I saw that she was very calm. I was confused, and when she saw me looking at her, she smiled softly, which confused me more. But I didn't let it show. 

"That doesn't matter right now," Dad said, which caused me to turn my head back towards him. "What matters is that we can have a chance here, and if you keep lying like that to people, we might not get that chance. So please, Carl. Stop. For us." 

I wanted to feel bad. I wanted to feel guilty. But I still, for some reason, kept shoving those feelings down. Probably the reason for that, though, was that I had spent a long while doing exactly that, just to keep myself alive. To survive. But I knew it would take a while to break that habit. 

Instead of replying, I just stood up, shook my head, and left the house, not knowing where I would go.

I picked at the grass where I was sitting. I was at the far corner of Alexandria, a place looking like they haven't cleaned up or used in a long time. Years maybe. I sat in the backyard of the abandoned house. The house itself was tiny, probably made for only one or two people to live in. But I didn't mind. I was alone, that's all what mattered. 

After a few minutes of picking at the grass, I got up and went to actually explore the place. Last time I went through the house, I was just making sure no one lived here. Then I had made it to the backyard and just…sat. I had nothing else to do, really. 

So now that I had calmed down, I finally went back in the house and started to check the place out. 

Like I said before, it was really small and could only fit about two people at most. So I went through it pretty fast. But I still enjoyed the musty feel to it. While being cooped up in a barn and some vans for a while, the musty feeling the house gave was comforting, even though it was covered in dust.

Though, I soon realized that the dust might actually be a health hazard and I should clean it up before I end up having too much dust in my lungs. 

Then, when I had _that_ thought, I quickly rushed outside and rushed to find something to clean the place. 

Thankfully, I ran into Aaron. 

"Where can I get some cleaning supplies?" I asked him. 

"Follow me," he answered, smiling at me. "Why do you need some?" He started to walk towards something that looked like a huge shed/storage garage of some sort. I followed.

"My little sister, Judith, made a huge mess, so now we have to clean it up." Boy, were there lies piling up that day.

"That's how babies are, I guess," he laughed. I agreed.

We arrived and he showed me where the cleaning supplies were. I kept a mental note on that. I knew I was gonna need a lot. 

"You need to dust, too?" Aaron asked curiously when I finally went for the dusting tools. 

"Just thought I'll do extra," I said, shrugging to make it not seem like a big deal. "It'd be helpfull." 

"You seem like a nice kid," he complicated. 

"Thanks," I told him with a smile. I knew, in truth, I could be. Definitely not when I'm lying like that, though. 

Afterwards, I walked back to the old house. Thankfully, no one saw me or suspected anything. They probably was used to kids walking around without an adult. Which was stupid, but I'm not complaining. 

I started to work on the house and after a few hours, I was only a quarter done. I decided to call it a day, putting away the leftover supplies (there wasn't much) in an empty cabinet. 

I walked back to the house me and a few others from my group were living in. When I entered, everyone was inside, even the people who were supposed to be living in the other house. 

I stood in the doorway, but no one seemed to notice me. So I decided to speak up. 

"Is this some kind of meeting or something?" Everyone stopped and stared at me for what seemed like minutes, even though it was only a few seconds. 

"Oh my god, Carl! You're okay!" My dad got up and went to hug me. Everyone else gave a relieved sigh. Something told me something was up. 

"What?" I asked after Dad let me go. "What is it?" 

"We were trying to look for you for hours," Michonne explained. "We couldn't find you." 

"We searched everywhere," Glenn jumped in. 

_Everywhere?_ I thought. _You sure about that?_

"We were about to look in this empty-looking house thing, but then Deanna stopped us and told us that no one has even been able to get in there with the windows and doors jammed," Abraham said. 

Deanna? Does that mean she just help me hide? This was becoming a huge mystery. 

"When we asked around, though," Dad started, and I could see where this was going, "we ran into Aaron. He said he last saw you getting cleaning supplies for a mess _Judith_ made. Which, as we all know, is a lie." Dad crossed his arms and looked at me sternly. I could tell he was _not_ happy. 

"You lied _again_, Carl. Once, fine. But twice? On purpose? That's just unacceptable," Michonne said. 

Me and Dad walked to where everyone was sitting and he sat down. I stayed standing, uncomfortable with the situation.

"You're starting to sound more like a mom than a sister, Michonne," I told her quietly. She bit her lip and I couldn't tell what she was feeling at that moment. I may never know. 

"Carl," Dad said, bringing my gaze back to him. "We need you to understand that lying like that is not okay. When we say you need to stop, we mean _you need to stop_. Lying here and there is fine as sometimes, it needs to happen. But you can't do it just because. Do you understand?" 

I nodded.

"Good," Dad said. "Now for the main question: _Where were you?_" 

My brain raced. Did I want to tell them about my new house? Or keep it a secret. I didn't know and everyone looked agitated by my hesitation, so I just said the first thing that came in mind. 

"I was hanging out with Ron," I blurted. I could feel my stomach twist when I said that. This was not gonna end well.

Rosita facepalmed, Sasha sighed, and Abraham shook his head. Everyone else just looked disappointed. 

It was a lie, and they knew that. Hell, of course they knew! They asked everyone! The probably asked Ron, and he said he hasn't seen me since we hung out, then they knew I wasn't with him…of course! Why did I say that? 

"Carl…" Michonne trailed off, not knowing what to say. 

"I'm sorry," I said, starting to tear up. I blinked the tears away, not wanting to embarrass myself on front of everyone I loved. "I just…I don't know why that came out." That was the truth. When I went to say something, I actually expected a truth to come out. But no. It was a lie. It was all lies. 

"So," Dad said quietly, "you're saying that you just lie out of habit? That's just what I heard. I think that's what you just said." I knew he was trying to be logical about this, and I respected that. He was always the most logical one in the family. 

"I…I think so," I replied, a tear finally going down my cheek. "I don't know." 

"Just tell us the truth, Carl," Michonne said. "We won't give you any punishment if you tell the truth." 

I had to tell her, I just had to. There was no way out of it. 

I gathered up my courage and was about to tell them when: 

_**Knock knock knock!**_

"Damnit!" Dad mumbled then got up to answer the door. It was Deanna. 

"Hello," she said kindly. "I just wanted you guys to know that you all are invited to the party later on tonight. We want to welcome our new guests!" 

"Thank you!" Dad exclaimed. "We would be most thankfull for your kindness. When is it?" 

"In only a few more hours," she replied. "See you there?" 

"Of course!" 

They said their goodbyes then Dad shut the door and came back and sat down. 

"Where were we?" he asked, and my heart raced. 

During Dad's and Deanna's conversation, my confidence went down by 95% and I was left totally panicked. What was I going to say? I wanted, no, _needed_, to keep that house a secret. I seriously need to have a place to myself that no one would ever inturrupt me. I need a place to think, to hang out, to be myself. I had to keep that place and what I was doing a secret. 

"Carl," Maggie said, bringing me out of my panic zone. "Just tell us. We just want to make sure you stay safe." 

"I…" I hesitated. "I was just taking a walk around Alexandria." **Lie.**

Rosita groaned in frustration, obviously annoyed. 

"First of all, Carl," Michonne started, "if you were just walking around, we would have found you as we were practically looking everywhere at once. Second of all, if you were just walking, we probably wouldn't be in this situation. You would've told us right off the bat because if you were just walking, that wouldn't have been that big of a deal. Know what I'm sayin'?" 

I nodded again. I knew I had to tell the truth, there was no way out of it. Unless…nah. Too risky. But…. 

"I snuck out, okay?!" I blurted. "I snuck out of Alexandria." **Lie.**

"Oh, my god," Maggie muttered. 

"Carl, you could have died!" Dad exclaimed. 

"I know." I bit my lip, willing my tears to go away. 

"How did you even manage to do that?" Daryl asked, finally speaking up. 

"I…I snuck away and climbed the wall." **Lie** (as I didn't do that in the first place). "It was really hard to do," I added. 

"I bet," Glenn agreed. "Surprised you did it with how skinny you are." Over the top, man, over the top. 

"Don't ever, _ever_ do that again, you hear me?" Dad pleaded. 

"I won't," I said. "I promise." 

"And please don't lie to us like that, definitely if it's something that could be life and death," Michonne added. 

"I'll do my absolute best," I told them. **Truth.**

Everyone got up to hug me one by one. I finally let myself cry, definitely when I reached Dad and Michonne. 

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have lied." 

"Why did you leave in the first place?" Dad asked. 

"I needed time to myself," I answered. **Truth.**

"Okay. Just…be careful next time," he told me. I blinked in surprise. I actually expected him to remind me not to go over again. And when I asked about it, I got an even more surprising answer. 

"Just tell me when you want to go and when about you're going to come back. Maybe bring soomeone." 

"Okay. Thanks, Dad." I hugged both him and Michonne then wiped the tears from my face. 

"Well," Dad then announced. "Let's get ready for the party, shall we?" 

Everyone cheered, super excited to finally have a sense of normality after so long. 

Not me though. Why? Because I have adapted to the harsh world out there. I've already changed too much. So much, that I actually feared this party. Who ever thought of Carl Grimes being scared of a little party? Of fun? Not me!

As you could probably see, lying can get you into a bit of a pickle. It shouldn't be your first choice anyway. It is always better to tell the truth, even if lying is way easier. 

Hmm. You're right. This is not school or anything. It's is story! 

Let me tell you about this party then. It was a very interesting experience….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Chapters will keep being updated pretty slow, but if you be patient, you won't be disappointed (I hope)!


End file.
